T-Shirt Blog

Everyone is saying it these days: “I have assburgers.” It’s the new “I’m OCD” or “I’m ADD.” Ugh, it makes me cringe. If you know someone who constantly reminds you of how he or she has “assburgers,” you should totally get that person this I Have Assburgers shirt as a gift. It’s only $10 for a limited time. Everyone will get a kick out of it (except maybe the dude with “assburgers” who will at least pretend not to understand the humor.) Better yet, don’t waste your money on those people; just get the shirt for yourself and wear it whenever they are around. Then, when they say, “You don’t have assburgers, and you spelled it wrong,” simply respond with, “Exactly.”

I Have Assburgers t-shirt

There are a lot of low-brow St. Patrick’s Day t-shirts out there. We thought we might raise the bar a little with an homage to the great Irish literary genius, James Joyce, with our I’m Pro Joyce t-shirt. What better way to say, “I’m an educated and well-read lush,” than with a t-shirt of this caliber. Turn your nose up at the world as you down that pint of green beer. Only $10 for a limited time.

We have reduced our introductory price for new t-shirts to $10. So if you’re lucky enough to catch a new release, it can be yours for only $10. That’s right. $10. As of this post, that means both 1up Yours and I Think I Can are only $10. We’re going to cycle those out as even newer releases are released. Be the first of your friends to have the latest and greatest funny t-shirts and save some cash. It’s a win-win. Actually, we get to sell the shirt, so it’s a win-win-win.

Everyone knows the “one more man” mushroom when they see it. Check out our latest shirt with attitude. We call it 1up Yours. Fun Fact: you can score an infinite number of these if you bounce the koopa shell over and over again against the steps at the end of the level. Only $13 during the introductory period.

1up YOURS

Please help me in welcoming two new models to the ranks of the Conch Tees pages: Bree and Micha, showing off “I‘m Easy But Not Diseasy” and “Chicks Dig Tiger’s Wood“, respectively. Thanks ladies! We know you’ll be the talk of the town with your Easy Tiger loving selfs!

Micha & Bree

If you ordered an “Ask Me About My Narcissism” shirt, the shirts are now in stock and shipping! We know your time is important, maybe even the most important thing to you. Or perhaps you value your intelligence or complexion more. Anyway, this is all about you. It’s gotta be about you, doesn’t it? “Me me me,” is all you ever care about! Ok now you’re just starting to piss me off. Enjoy your damn shirt.

Did you hear the one about the billionaire who liked to play golf and cheated on his wife? No not that one, the other one. No, the other one. No…wait…why are people so surprised when this type of thing happens? Show your favorite golfing billionaire buddy some support by purchasing the blatantly obvious Chicks dig tiger’s wood t-shirt. Everyone loves a good adultery joke.

Due to popular demand, we have now released our Two moms are better than none version of our Two Dads shirt. You guys even got to pick the colors!

Two moms are better than none

With all the controversy surrounding gay marriage, we figured everyone was sorely overlooking the controversy surrounding divorce and deadbeat dads. It begs the questions: is it better to have two dads or no dad at all? We’re betting on two dads with our Two Dads Are Better Than None design…if not merely because it’s edgier than a shirt that simply says: “I have a dad.” Let us know what you think.

Two dads are better than none

It’s official. The media has been taken over by the government. Now you don’t have to kid yourself anymore about whether or not television news is just propaganda. It most certainly is. Commemorate this shift in policy from secretive brainwashing to outright public pandering with your very own OBC: Obama Broadcasting Company t-shirt. Pre-orders are only $14. This initial run may be small, but if you’re interested, we will definitely reprint.