T-Shirt Blog

Get your mind out of the gutter! Our Beat It tee is hot and fresh, and helps you remember one of the greatest musicians ever. Boom. Enough said. He is the King of Pop!

Ok, not enough said. Let’s say that you need this tee to impress your friend Billy Jean. The issue is a very black and white issue. Just beat it. Well, beat your friends to this shirt. If you don’t, you’re just plain bad. But why stop at one? Don’t stop till you get enough. With the way you make me feel, you are not alone.

Zombies rule and boys drool! At least we think so. Zombies always seem to have away of catching women that we’ve never been able to completely figure out. But why even dissect the issue when we can make a new tee about it!? Yeah, our thoughts exactly. We really do Like You For Your Brains. Promise. Scout’s honor. You’re super smart, like, totally!

We’re living the Sheen dream and made a brand new tee to commemorate this event! Check out our Tiger Blood tee now or… well, we just don’t know what will happen next, do we!? If you’re a fan of Sheen’s Korner then mayhaps you should watch it in style wearing one of these puppies. You do want to look like a smokin’ hottie, don’t you?

Ok ok, we get it, he’s awesome at being him! We wish we could be him. We think? We’re not sure. Maybe? Les sprinkle some of this Adonis DNA all over ourselves and see what happens. Dang, look at us go. We must be rock stars from Mars!

If you don’t get this shirt, that just means you can’t process it with your normal brain.

You might have heard of Mario and his zany brother Luigi. They have a drug problem. See, the thing is, they keep eating these mushrooms for some weird reason. We can’t think of why that could be, but hey, who are we to judge, right? But watching them do their thing gave us a crazy idea to share their need for mushrooms with everyone. So POOF! Up pops our 1UP Yours tee, filled with all the wholesome goodness that you’re used to. These babies are even printed on American Apparel, ripe for your picking pleasure. So what are you waiting for? Head over to ConchTees.com and grab a few.*

* This tee has been approved by the Food and Drug Administration**
** Not really

Ya, so since a cure for good actors getting the clap has not been found, we decided to do another round of pictures with one of our best selling shirts: Good Actors Get the Clap. Lucky for us, we found another model who was willing so put her lovely face out there in the good name of Actors and Claps everywhere. Who is she, you may ask? Emma, I may answer. Want more of her or anyone else? Just ask! In the meantime, check out the shirt. Duh.

Emma - Good Actors Get the Clap

Alan - Good Actors Get the Clap

I hate to say this because you just might not want to hear the answer, but smokers are going to burn in hell when they die from smoking. Yes, in a trouble double over the top under head scratching study, this has been proven!  *funded by hippies of the world, inc.* But, we were able to find two very non-smoker type people to show off one of our newest designs, The Truthiness About Smoking. Check ‘em out. Voice your opinion… that is, if you still have your voicebox. OH SNAP!

Terresa - The Truthiness About Smoking

Kenneth - The Truthiness About Smoking

Yes, we said it. Atheists have sects too. GOOD sects at that. If I had to choose, I would choose atheist sects over any other kind. If you Enjoy Atheist Sects, you’ll enjoy our newest t-shirt. The Flying Spaghetti Monster approves! Also, we are now accepting new members into our atheist sects. Just visit AtheistSects.com. All types of members accepted and desired. You don’t even have to be atheist! It’s just fun to say really. Atheist sects, atheist sects, atheist sects… $10 for a limited time!

If you are of the Asian persuasion, you are going to want to grab our latest $10 shirt, I’m Asian. So I Can Kick Your Ass. It will give your friends and enemies that not-so-subtle suggestion that, yes, their suspicions are correct, and you DO know kung fu, tae kwon do, ninjutsu, aikido, or karate (or some wicked combination thereof.) Hey, if you’re going to be stereotyped, might as well use it to your advantage. Plus, like I said, it’s only $10 right now. It’s the perfect complement to your $200 designer jeans.

Everyone is saying it these days: “I have assburgers.” It’s the new “I’m OCD” or “I’m ADD.” Ugh, it makes me cringe. If you know someone who constantly reminds you of how he or she has “assburgers,” you should totally get that person this I Have Assburgers shirt as a gift. It’s only $10 for a limited time. Everyone will get a kick out of it (except maybe the dude with “assburgers” who will at least pretend not to understand the humor.) Better yet, don’t waste your money on those people; just get the shirt for yourself and wear it whenever they are around. Then, when they say, “You don’t have assburgers, and you spelled it wrong,” simply respond with, “Exactly.”

I Have Assburgers t-shirt

There are a lot of low-brow St. Patrick’s Day t-shirts out there. We thought we might raise the bar a little with an homage to the great Irish literary genius, James Joyce, with our I’m Pro Joyce t-shirt. What better way to say, “I’m an educated and well-read lush,” than with a t-shirt of this caliber. Turn your nose up at the world as you down that pint of green beer. Only $10 for a limited time.