If you ordered an “Ask Me About My Narcissism” shirt, the shirts are now in stock and shipping! We know your time is important, maybe even the most important thing to you. Or perhaps you value your intelligence or complexion more. Anyway, this is all about you. It’s gotta be about you, doesn’t it? “Me me me,” is all you ever care about! Ok now you’re just starting to piss me off. Enjoy your damn shirt.
With all the controversy surrounding gay marriage, we figured everyone was sorely overlooking the controversy surrounding divorce and deadbeat dads. It begs the questions: is it better to have two dads or no dad at all? We’re betting on two dads with our Two Dads Are Better Than None design…if not merely because it’s edgier than a shirt that simply says: “I have a dad.” Let us know what you think.
Two dads are better than none
It’s official. The media has been taken over by the government. Now you don’t have to kid yourself anymore about whether or not television news is just propaganda. It most certainly is. Commemorate this shift in policy from secretive brainwashing to outright public pandering with your very own OBC: Obama Broadcasting Company t-shirt. Pre-orders are only $14. This initial run may be small, but if you’re interested, we will definitely reprint.
We are finally offering hookers on Conch Tees. People have been asking and asking, “When are you going to start selling hookers?” Usually it’s followed by, “I really want hookers!” Ok ok, fine! We caved! We’re selling hookers now. Sheesh. We have both men’s hookers and women’s hookers. As usual they’re on sale for their introductory period. So go buy your hookers shirt already. Pre-orders should ship by June 18th.
Another design is online and ready for your votes. Check out Phelps Is Dope, and let us know what you think. This design will not post to Facebook if you are using our Conch Tees Connector. So feel free to vote with being Facebook-inappropriate.
Pigs have lots of nipples. I’m not sure what else to say to promote our newest design. It’s a little disturbing, but I can’t seem to look away. If you’re curious as to what I’m talking about, check out Pigtoria’s Secret Oink on our voting page. It’s geared toward women, sort of, but if you like, we’ll print some men’s styles too, probably on a red shirt instead of pink. I’d love to see someone wearing this. Please go vote.
Our latest shirt preview came by special request. It is rooted in pop culture, particularly of the animated variety. The message also applies to the general funk we’ve gotten ourselves into as a nation. Cant’ Someone Else Do It? is ready for your votes. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Why should I go vote? Can’t someone else do it?” No! The answer is no! You have to start the trend. Don’t be the butt of the joke. Be the person everyone else was waiting on to “do it.”
What do you get when two giant agendas butt heads? Truthiness. We’ve exposed said truthiness with our latest design preview: The Truthiness About Smoking. If THIS doesn’t convince you that smoking is bad, then…well…we don’t really care. Smoke all you want. Or don’t. It’s YOUR eternal life after all. Keep the laws off your body; put our shirts there instead. Although, if you DID quit smoking, think of all that extra money you’d have to spend on t-shirts. Go vote on this latest design.
We have put another shirt up for voting. Check out We Can Make Babies!, and let us know what you think. Don’t hold back. Let your inner voting monster loose. It only takes a few clicks.
Your wait is over. The pre-order phase of “I’m with /dev/null” is now complete, and you can actually order the actual shirt now. The price is still at $14 like we promised. That includes standard shipping (like always.) Grab one now before we make our next release. Geeks unite!
