T-Shirt Blog

If you are of the Asian persuasion, you are going to want to grab our latest $10 shirt, I’m Asian. So I Can Kick Your Ass. It will give your friends and enemies that not-so-subtle suggestion that, yes, their suspicions are correct, and you DO know kung fu, tae kwon do, ninjutsu, aikido, or karate (or some wicked combination thereof.) Hey, if you’re going to be stereotyped, might as well use it to your advantage. Plus, like I said, it’s only $10 right now. It’s the perfect complement to your $200 designer jeans.

Everyone is saying it these days: “I have assburgers.” It’s the new “I’m OCD” or “I’m ADD.” Ugh, it makes me cringe. If you know someone who constantly reminds you of how he or she has “assburgers,” you should totally get that person this I Have Assburgers shirt as a gift. It’s only $10 for a limited time. Everyone will get a kick out of it (except maybe the dude with “assburgers” who will at least pretend not to understand the humor.) Better yet, don’t waste your money on those people; just get the shirt for yourself and wear it whenever they are around. Then, when they say, “You don’t have assburgers, and you spelled it wrong,” simply respond with, “Exactly.”

I Have Assburgers t-shirt

There are a lot of low-brow St. Patrick’s Day t-shirts out there. We thought we might raise the bar a little with an homage to the great Irish literary genius, James Joyce, with our I’m Pro Joyce t-shirt. What better way to say, “I’m an educated and well-read lush,” than with a t-shirt of this caliber. Turn your nose up at the world as you down that pint of green beer. Only $10 for a limited time.

If you ordered an “Ask Me About My Narcissism” shirt, the shirts are now in stock and shipping! We know your time is important, maybe even the most important thing to you. Or perhaps you value your intelligence or complexion more. Anyway, this is all about you. It’s gotta be about you, doesn’t it? “Me me me,” is all you ever care about! Ok now you’re just starting to piss me off. Enjoy your damn shirt.

With all the controversy surrounding gay marriage, we figured everyone was sorely overlooking the controversy surrounding divorce and deadbeat dads. It begs the questions: is it better to have two dads or no dad at all? We’re betting on two dads with our Two Dads Are Better Than None design…if not merely because it’s edgier than a shirt that simply says: “I have a dad.” Let us know what you think.

Two dads are better than none

It’s official. The media has been taken over by the government. Now you don’t have to kid yourself anymore about whether or not television news is just propaganda. It most certainly is. Commemorate this shift in policy from secretive brainwashing to outright public pandering with your very own OBC: Obama Broadcasting Company t-shirt. Pre-orders are only $14. This initial run may be small, but if you’re interested, we will definitely reprint.

We are finally offering hookers on Conch Tees. People have been asking and asking, “When are you going to start selling hookers?” Usually it’s followed by, “I really want hookers!” Ok ok, fine! We caved! We’re selling hookers now. Sheesh. We have both men’s hookers and women’s hookers. As usual they’re on sale for their introductory period. So go buy your hookers shirt already. Pre-orders should ship by June 18th.

Another design is online and ready for your votes. Check out Phelps Is Dope, and let us know what you think. This design will not post to Facebook if you are using our Conch Tees Connector. So feel free to vote with being Facebook-inappropriate.

Pigs have lots of nipples. I’m not sure what else to say to promote our newest design. It’s a little disturbing, but I can’t seem to look away. If you’re curious as to what I’m talking about, check out Pigtoria’s Secret Oink on our voting page. It’s geared toward women, sort of, but if you like, we’ll print some men’s styles too, probably on a red shirt instead of pink. I’d love to see someone wearing this. Please go vote.

Our latest shirt preview came by special request. It is rooted in pop culture, particularly of the animated variety. The message also applies to the general funk we’ve gotten ourselves into as a nation. Cant’ Someone Else Do It? is ready for your votes. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Why should I go vote? Can’t someone else do it?” No! The answer is no! You have to start the trend. Don’t be the butt of the joke. Be the person everyone else was waiting on to “do it.”