One time I asked for bacon in a kosher restaurant.
One time at Thanksgiving dinner I asked for the Cream of SumYungGuy, not knowing what it meant, only that it was a joke and thus funny.
Twice I told a joke about a one-armed man going to a second hand shop to someone with- you guessed it- a one armed man nearby.
We all do stupid things some times.
Thank Kool-Aid man, someone invented the awkward turtle. Put your right hand on top of your left hand and rotate your thumbs until all the tension and embarrassment in the room is magically washed away!
What if you break your thumbs? (Or are a one armed man? Ouch.) Wear an awkward turtle tshirt! Cover your bases even IF you have two working opposable thumbs! Get yourself out of any pickle, and you will be thankful.
One time I was laying in bed, trying to get a good night’s sleep after a long day of work. Out of nowhere laughter burst out of the room next door, just on the other side of my wall. The laughter resonated, and echoed, and refused to wane, until I realized I was going to be up all night listening to this laughter. Some asshole told a joke that was (as is particularly regular for this particular asshole it turns out) quite lame. To save face, he displayed the awkward turtle and immediately had everyone rolling in the aisle. Great, it made him look good, but it sure as shootin’ kept me awake and made me mad.
I’m marrying that asshole in October. 
